Praising vs (cheap wholesale electronics) Complaining
By Antwan Richardson
Of course, we all majored in recognition skills at high school. Being positive comes as second nature to everybody and we never focus too much on faults. Unfortunately there the fairy tale must end. Complaining, it seems, is a much more developed skill than praising and many people find it difficult to be only positive. It is as if they can’t help themselves adding a crushing blow. Like Carolyn Burnham (Annette Bening) in “American Beauty” when she praises her daughter Jane (Thora Birch) for her cheerleading performance, she says, “I was watching you very closely, and you didn’t screw up once.”
Language
It is often said that, in communication, we get the response we deserve. Bear this in mind when you next ask for an additional task to be undertaken. Listen to the words that you use. Do you apologize, saying:
“I’m really sorry that I have to drop this on you”
Do you antagonize, saying:
“Whether you like it or not you’ll have to do this by 5pm.”
Do you empathize, saying:
“I know this is a pain, but it really needs to be done.”
Do you sympathize, saying:
“Poor you! This extra work probably means overtime.”
…or do you enthuse, by saying:
“Hey, you’re just the person who can help me! I need this urgent job to be done today, and I was thinking you’d be the best person to get it out accurately and on time.”
No prizes for guessing which approach gets a more energetic response. Enthusiasm breeds enthusiasm and if you can embed a few pieces of recognition in your request without sounding sarcastic you’ll stand a better chance of getting a motivated performance.
When you are actually praising someone, try to tell them how you feel. “It made me proud that I work for the same company when I saw you handling that complex customer problem”, means so much more than, “Good job, keep it up.” “I wish I had your comic timing. Your ability to make people laugh and feel motivated to get on with the toughest and most unpleasant of jobs leaves me in awe.” says more than “I’m impressed, carry on, dude!”
Also make an attempt to acknowledge that you really did understand that the behavior was appropriate; “I was especially impressed when you offered to call them to update them on progress at the end of the day. That’s a great standard to work to”
Managers can develop a crippling disability when they use language variously known as “verbal diarrhea”, “let me tell you what you mean” and “that’s not the way I’d do it”. As people climb the management ladder there is a tendency for them to lose the listening skill and to gain an add-on to their verbosity skills. This is not surprising as they are probably expected to talk for most of the day; however when it comes to gathering information to promote informal recognition, keeping your ears open and your mouth shut is an essential skill.
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Is No News Good News?
By Antwan Richardson
Not long ago, after consultations with others in an association I represent, I made a partnership pitch to another organization with similar interests. If the idea had been accepted, it would have radically changed our organizations.
So, you can imagine my impatience when I didn’t hear back from the person to whom I’d made the proposal. She had welcomed the idea, but a decision would be made by a council within her organization.
Given the importance of the decision to their organization, I didn’t expect a quick response. But, I would have liked at least a phone call saying the council had accepted, rejected, or was still considering the idea.
Then, I had a “Eureka” or maybe I should call it a “Whoops” moment. I realized I hadn’t reported back to the people in my organization either. That made me guilty of the same lapse of communication as the lady in the other organization. With that recognition, I made amends by sending out an email and followed up with a report at a meeting.
In taking an analytical view of this incident, I realized that nothing can be something when it comes to communication.
The idea that nothing can be something seems counter- intuitive. But, you may remember the famous Sherlock Holmes’ observation about the dog that didn’t bark (the fictitious detective solved a baffling case by noting what did not happen, rather than what did happen).
You can probably come up with several ideas about the importance of communicating, too, even though nothing has changed. That’s especially true if you’re the one who didn’t hear from someone else.
First, you may have made plans that assume either a change or a continuation of the status quo. Perhaps you’re holding off on holiday plans until the issue is resolved one way or the other.
Second, at least you know an anticipated decision or event hasn’t yet occurred, and that you didn’t miss something (for example, as I write this I’m waiting for a client to confirm some information and it would be nice to know that I haven’t missed a callback or an emailed reply).
Third, if you’ve received an update telling you nothing has happened, you don’t need to contact that person and ask if there have been any developments. Similarly, you can advise the people who look to you for information.
One other note: This might be a variation on what I call the Everybody Knows syndrome. That’s a decision not to communicate, based on the assumption that others know what I know. For example, I might not tell anyone the office will be closed between Christmas Day and New Year’s Day because I think everyone should know that, which is likely a bad assumption on my part.
In summary, if the issue is important, communicate frequently, even if nothing has happened. Something is nothing when you or others wait impatiently for news.
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The Failure of Training
By Antwan Richardson
Sometimes when I conduct my workshop on Effective Meetings, one of the participants will ask, “Where’s my boss?”
And I say, “Your boss claimed to be an expert on holding effective meetings.”
Then the person laughs. “My boss needs to attend your workshop more than anyone in our company. And without our manager’s support, no one will use this.”
This is bad because if no one uses the ideas presented in a workshop, the client will conclude that training doesn’t work. And then the company might abandon all training.
Here are three important issues that determine the effectiveness of training.
1) People follow the leader. Any training program will be more successful if management supports it. This is why I always involve top executives in planning my workshops. I also ask them to attend. And I recommend follow-up sessions to review the material covered in the workshop. In fact, I only work with people who value and support learning.
Training has earned a bad reputation because many programs were just thrown over the fence at employees who were sent to be fixed. It’s unlikely that any training program conducted under these conditions will accomplish much.
> Key Point: Gain management support before scheduling any training program.
2) Each of us has control over our area of responsibility. And each of us lives in the environment that we create.
The participant mentioned above can still conduct effective meetings, even if top management continues to hold bad meetings. In fact, someone who demonstrates sound leadership by holding effective meetings could end up replacing the boss who holds bad meetings.
There are two parts to every learning experience. The first part involves mastering new skills. The second (and critical) part involves choosing to use them.
> Key Point: You can be an effective leader even when others aren’t.
3) Some people play make-believe. Many years ago I received an evening phone call from a colleague who wanted to know if I could recommend a good book on how to hold effective meetings. It seems this person was scrambling to find material for a workshop that was scheduled to start the next morning.
You will learn more from an expert, rather than from someone who is delivering a book report. In this case, I recommended either of the two books that I had written on how to hold effective meetings.
Many companies hire trainers who build training programs based on books that they read. And some entrepreneurs agree to speak on topics that are purely academic for them. The best trainers ARE the message, which means that they live and breathe and use what they teach. They can answer any questions, meet any needs, and help with any situations that the participants may bring up. They truly know their topic.
> Key Point: Hire a trainer who wrote the book instead of one who (you hope) read a book.
Any training program can succeed, if delivered to people who want to improve by an expert who can show them how.
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